Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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