I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
