Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
