you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
