so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
