Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
