She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
