I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
