everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
