It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
