He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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