Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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