btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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