I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We are two peas in an std pod
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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