best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
