somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
