she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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