so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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