The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
