I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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