Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
