my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
