Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
