a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
