please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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