Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
