After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
