I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
