I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Everclear isn't food dammit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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