dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
