This is not my ceiling
I cockslap morals
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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