3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
