She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
