Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
