She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
