I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
