Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
