Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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