First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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