Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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