I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
