It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
