Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
