like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
