1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
