The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
