im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
