I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
