im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
