wrigley field is MILF paradise
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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