Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
