She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
