I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
