Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
